Mind takes over · Sports

Do I really want to leave?

It’s been 6 months into my new job and it’s been great so far. I’m having loads of fun at the office with 4 other guys and while our views (on most things) differ, I’m also learning loads from the people at work and recently concluded a rather satisfying experience covering the Asian Games from an Indian perspective for a pretty big client. During that time, my eyes were opened to the hardships and pain that these athletes go through and that spurred me to start taking my college applications for a post graduate degree in sports management seriously. Frankly I cannot stand how inconsiderate the authorities in this vast country are when it comes to managing athletes and the resources allocated to them. They couldn’t give a damn and would rather work towards increasing and adding to their coffers. But while I could go on a rant about the sports authorities in India and how good-for-nothing they are, that is for another time.

My primary focus is completing my college applications to Europe and Australia for a post grad degree in sports management. While I might not be able to get a job here because of how limited the scope is, I also understand that the valuable experience that I gain in working abroad will help me when I ultimately return to India and begin working to raise this country and the people who deserve it to its full sporting potential. But recently when I visited a career and college counselor office, the head of the office attended to me and registered a huge look of surprise on her face when I said that I want to do sports management. Her surprise increased when I said I didn’t play any sports but then her incredulous expression reduced when I referred to where I am currently working. Then since I was extremely well prepared to apply on the spot (I already had my colleges in mind and my documents in order) the Australian leg of the application process was complete but I still had my FIFA Masters application to complete.

I came back home and told the mother and she was happy because
1. She didn’t even realise that I had listened to her because she had been constantly telling me to finish them off
2. I had completed them all in one day and on my own

But certain questions arose both when I was talking to my friend earlier and when I talked to my mom about the conversation I had with my friend. The question of money – if I do get into the college that I want, will I be able to pay the fees? That’s the first question and then it spiralled from there. Will I get a good job or a job related to what I ultimately want to achieve? Will I be able to establish myself enough to come back to India and make a difference? Or should I just do a correspondance course in journalism and be done with it? Stick around here and choose the safe option of working in my current job and seeing other opportunities that might come my way. Yeah those thoughts have crossed my head.What the hell am I doing?

I’m scared and I’ve been scared like this before. When I went off to boarding school 5 years ago, when I moved back to India 5 years ago, when I started college 3 years ago and even when I started working 6 months ago. But the first was because I hadn’t stayed away from my parents ever, the second was because I wasn’t sure if I’d made a mistake staying back in India and the 3rd was because I had NO IDEA what the job had in store for me. But this is the biggest step that I’m going to be taking in life wherever it takes me (England, Switzerland or Australia)! Hell I might not even get in for all you know! And I have no idea what to do to make this fear go away except for the fact that I not think about it. But it’s not as easy as just saying it. I try to occupy myself with other things and god knows there is tons to do. But every now and then when someone simply mentions the topic of further studies, my mind travels to the possibility that I might go abroad to study but not get a job or the job might not be what I want or I might not even get in. It’s a scary prospect, this whole future crap and not knowing what has been laid ahead for you. I might believe in karma but I sure as hell don’t believe it leaving everything to the gods (as they say)

And therefore, I’m going to do everything in my power to achieve the goals that I’ve set out for myself and see where the path takes me!

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