Take it as fiction or take it as something that has happened to you in your life, matters of the heart have affected us all. So here goes:
I am sorry. I am sorry for ghosting you. I am sorry for ignoring you. I am sorry for not taking your feelings into consideration. I am sorry for not even thinking about you when I made my decision. I am sorry for running away and never looking back. I am sorry that I get angry at the smallest things. I am sorry that my heart cannot take so much love. I am sorry that I scared you off. I am sorry.
It’s difficult sometimes, isn’t it? Loving someone, letting your heart wholly accept someone for their faults and quirks, their desires and ambitions, their good and bad. It’s like standing on a ship and looking out at the vast ocean space – the overwhelming feeling you experience is similar.
I’ve never been in love but I’ve been close. Many a time. And it hurts like a bitch. Whether it is the rejection or the realization, it’s definitely not for the faint hearted. But this isn’t about falling in love – this is for all those people who have been burned by it – in that case, for everyone out there.
The open letter
This has been a long time coming. Better late than never. Wherever you are, I hope these words reach you through the chasm of time. I hope these are the words you were hoping to hear and not hear at the same time. For now in this presence of mind, I can only speak from the heart.
Ironic, isn’t it? Since that is the same place you hurt me so much. Or rather, we both were hurt in that place? Not to be pointing fingers, but here we go again. I am tired of fighting with you inside my head and out in the real world. Even when you’re not around, I still fight to let go of your memory. You hang around every piece of clothing I’ve ever worn, every song I ever listen to, every joke I hear, every smile I crack, every hug I give, every moment I live. It’s not fair that this has to happen. I didn’t want this to happen. But then you happened.
You ask me, “What am I supposed to do about it? I’m going through the same thing.” Well you’re wrong because you’re not. You and I are different people in different points of our lives and are not going through the same thing. If we were, this wouldn’t be as difficult as it is right now.
Maybe we should have stayed friends. Maybe this would have all been simpler. But life is never simple – that I learnt early on. The tougher and hard life is, the more you appreciate it when the moment passes. I just wish this moment would pass sooner than later. Because I am done. I am done thinking of you. I am done worrying about you. I am done with you.
We might meet 5, 10, 20 years down the line or we may never meet again. But know this, I will forget our time together but I will never forget you. Matters of the heart are never forgotten so easily.